Wings
by YoukaiAnjiru
Summary: It's not unusual for identical twins to sometimes be attracted to each other physically. Most twins feel that they are only half of one whole, only part of something bigger and better. Something they can only reach with the help...HIATUS
1. Play Sick

Didn't Hikaru know that if he went with Haruhi, Kaoru would be left entirely alone…?

They had been apart of each other for so long that it'd practically be a crime to separate them. And yet, wasn't that what had been happening lately? He'd spend more time with her, they'd get closer and he would drift off farther and farther away. So far, in fact, that he was practically less than a forgotten speck in their world. Yeah, they had their own damn world now. No Kaoru's allowed. It was practically a seven-foot sign with those words in neon pink lights it was so obvious. But wasn't it also obvious how badly it hurt him? Then again, they were blind with love. Well, so was he.

It was like they were each other's wings. Together they could fly to the highest highs and the lowest lows. Nothing was impossible. Nothing unreachable. As one, they were unstoppable. Hikaru was Kaoru's wings and vice versa. So now that Hikaru was leaving, his wings were being shredded, oh so painfully slowly. When, not if, _when_ Hikaru was fully gone, out of his life for good, how was he to fly? Wings were not replaceable. They were a once in a lifetime chance. Once they were gone, that was it. Without his wings, Hikaru's wings would surely disappear too, right? Kaoru scoffed to himself. Haruhi would replace him and then Hikaru and her could fly off together. Happily, with no worries. Not like Kaoru had. No worries about loving your own twin. Disgusting.

Another day wasted away by staying in his room 'sick'. It was the fourth day in a row. The plan was to hide away from Hikaru and Haruhi. To hide away from their revolting show of lovebirds they acted out daily. Perhaps he really was sick. Physically? No. Mentally? Fuck yes. Alas, Hikaru decided to foil his plans. Every day he had refused to leave the house also, claiming he was to take care of Kaoru since no one did it right anyways. Claiming that no one could do it right but _himself_. Strange that out of all the possible times, he chose when Kaoru was 'sick' to act like a true brother. Where was he all the other times? When he sat in the corner, completely and utterly alone as he and _Haruhi_ went out yet again? All the other times when it truly _mattered_. When he was truly _needed._

"Kaoru?" The door slid open a crack and Kaoru immediately shut his eyes, willing himself to look like he was actually asleep. It worked every time Hikaru came to check up on him. Feeling the bed dip as extra weight was added, Kaoru listened silently as a soft sigh came from his brother. Lightly, a hand brushed away copper strands and rested on his cheek. A chaste kiss was placed upon Kaoru's cheek along with a whispered, "I love you", before the warmth disappeared and the door clicked as Hikaru left. Immediately curling into himself, Kaoru clenched his eyes shut as familiar hot tears stung at his eyes. Loved him, eh? Right.

"I love you too, Hikaru." And loved him he did. Just the wrong love, right? It was never _right_ to love your twin. Most would say narcissistic or conceited. Self-centered. Basically like loving thyself. It all pointed to the same thing. That it was _wrong_. _Forbidden_. All around _pathetic_. Who the hell fell in love with their twin? It was bad enough that they were both males, but fucking _related_? Just how sick could he get? Oh, and don't forget the frequent dreams about Hikaru. The dreams that were the complete opposite of 'holy' and 'clean'. Ah…he was screwed. And tomorrow he _had_ to go back to school. By the fifth day you were to have a doctor's note saying what was wrong with the student and about how long they were to be gone so homework could be sent to them. But how was one to obtain a doctor's note when one wasn't even sick? Sure, he could forge a note; his handwriting could fit any situation. Too bad the school always called the doctor to see if the note was true anyways. No point in getting in trouble when he could do his best at avoiding Hikaru during school.

Sitting up stiffly, Kaoru stared out his window. It was a bright, sunny day. So why was it so gloomy and dark inside? Maybe he should've gone to school. Surely the Host Club was suffering from their absences. But if he did go, he'd have to act as if nothing was wrong. As if his world wasn't crumbling into pieces. He'd have to continue playing the submissive role in the 'brotherly love' scheme. Was it all really worth it? He could always just leave the club. Haruhi was bound to volunteer at the chance to take over his position. And then, eventually, they'd tell everyone Haruhi was a girl and then they wouldn't have to pretend anymore. Why did he have to pretend though? It wasn't fair. Nothing was fair.

Walking lazily to the door and opening it, Kaoru peered out the side, checking for a sign of life. Nothing. The house workers were probably off somewhere else and Hikaru was probably downstairs. Good. It wasn't like he actually wanted to _see_ his brother, now. There really wasn't anything to do in the house so he would get dressed and sneak out. No need to bother Hikaru. The way to his bedroom was quiet and undisturbed. Technically it was Hikaru's bedroom, but they both shared it and all his clothes were in there. His room remained untouched by human hands but was covered in dust. There wasn't a time he ever remembered sleeping in that room. He'd have to get it cleaned up. The idea of sleeping with Hikaru wasn't as appealing as it was before. After trudging through piles of crap on the floor and searching through overflowing dressers, he finally found an outfit. Simple black jeans and a dark red top with black tennis shoes. It'd have to do; otherwise he'd probably spend a half an hour longer searching for something better. The maids were definitely slacking as of lately. A quick comb of his hair and brush of his teeth, and he was down the hall and out the door. With Hikaru down that same hall watching him leaving questioningly.

Riding in the limo was surprisingly quiet without Hikaru with him to talk to. Well he'd better get used to it. There'd be a lot less Hikaru soon. Hopping out of the car, he gave the driver a hundred dollars to keep his mouth shut about Kaoru leaving. It was getting to be around eight o' clock so he figured he'd give the driver a call a few hours later. He needed some time to himself, no Hikaru or Host members. His stomach growled loudly, demanding the first stop to be the nearest restaurant. A small bell rang as Kaoru opened the door to the quaint café and cold air from an air conditioner blew at him lightly. As soon as he sat at a table, a boy around his age came up, a bright smile on his face.

"Hey, welcome to Illuminati Café. My name is Rei, can I get you anything?" He was taller than Kaoru with messy brown hair and hazel eyes to match. Rei handed Kaoru a menu and he scanned it quickly once through.

"I'll have a small Iced White Chocolate Mocha and a chocolate chip cookie." Calmly writing down his order, Rei then took the menu and disappeared with a flirtatious wink. Hmm. Maybe it wasn't all that bad that he left. The bell chimed again as another customer walked in. A few years older than Kaoru, he had black hair that hung in front of his bright green eyes. He marched straight up to the counter where Rei was and started talking to him. As Rei started to walk towards Kaoru with his food, the older teen wrapped his arms around him, pulling him back to kiss him on the side of the neck. Rei's face lit up in a blush as he obviously protested, motioning to the food in his hands. He was let go after a few more kisses and made his way over to Kaoru, his face still a bright red.

"H-here's your food!" Kaoru flashed him a false smile and watched as Rei walked off, his apparent boyfriend following him behind the counter and into the back. God. What he wouldn't give to be able to act like that with Hikaru in public. Sighing, Kaoru stood up, grabbing his food and dropping a twenty-dollar bill on the tabletop, and made his way out the door. Staying and watching the two act all lovey dovey wasn't really entertaining in his book. Not when he _could_ be doing the same thing. Chewing thoughtfully slow on his freshly baked cookie, Kaoru wandered around for a while, trying to decide where to go to next. Whenever he usually did go shopping, Hikaru was with him and he knew exactly where to go. Now that he was on his own, he kind of wished he had paid attention to the stores. Off to the side was a small boutique with accessories adorning the racks that caught Kaoru's attention and, throwing his now empty cup and wrapper into the trash, he headed towards it.

Opening that door brought soft music and the smell of incense floating around. It was...pleasant. Kaoru sauntered throughout the store, sifting through some of the racks that intrigued him. Looking up, he stopped, staring at as simple silver chain bracelet with the letter 'K' dangling from it. In two strides he was at his interest and trying it on. It fit snuggly on his slender wrist, not crushing tight, but not in danger of slipping off unnoticed. He rather liked it and it only cost about six dollars. Cheap, yet cute. There were other identical bracelets with different letters, namely 'H'. No doubt Hikaru would like it. They could match, like always. Purposely ignoring and turning away from the other bracelets, he went to the cashier and paid for it, wearing it on the way out, silver catching and reflecting sunlight almost to the point of blinding. An accessory that doubled as a weapon. Cool.

The sun was setting, casting a sea of colors over the sky. Red melted into pink, which dissolved into purple and all the other colors that were floating around almost magically. Sunsets had always been the favorite time of Kaoru's day, while the sunrise was Hikaru's. Sometimes, he'd wake up to find Hikaru sitting on their balcony, just staring at the sky. It had always been nice to snuggle up next to him with a blanket wrapped around their shoulders. They truly were opposites in some ways, but in all others, they were the same. Being the opposite wasn't all that bad. They did say opposites attract. Besides, it was like two halves making one whole. Like...Yin and Yang. Opposites—yet when together, they were one and nothing could break them apart. That's what Hikaru and Kaoru were like. Well, that's what they were _supposed_ to be like. Damn obstacles.

What was one supposed to do when they were out by themselves? He had eaten, his stomach thankful, bought a new bracelet, and wandered around. He supposed he could buy some clothes...or something. A large group of people brushed past him, all heading in one direction. Usually it wouldn't bother him to see people walking and minding their own business, but this was a group of at least eight or nine people and with the way they were dressed, you just couldn't help but stare. The girls wore outfits that could be described as leather strips that were strategically placed, their hair was dyed and put up in styles Kaoru wouldn't had even thought was possible unless he saw it, and make up was done heavily, yet somehow still tastefully, on their faces. As for the men, they too had leather outfits on: skin tight and hugging everything huggable. Their hair was also dyed colors that weren't even in a box of 84 crayons and styled. They even had make up on. Albeit it was a heck of a lot less than the woman, but it was definitely noticeable. On at least three of the guys, dark eyeliner lined their eyes, bringing out their color even more. One of the guys had cat eye contacts in the color of silver. It was like a walking rave or something. Definitely something to stare at. Just where the hell were they headed? Surely not some place in public?

Curiosity brought Kaoru to follow them around a few corners and streets until the once faint pounding became clearer and he was able to identify it as music. It was so loud that it shook the ground and small pebbles tumbled off the curb and into the street. A tall black building with the word 'Nightlife' and stars in dark blue neon letters stood before him. There was a line of countless people—all dressed similarly exotic to the group in front of him. Blue light shone through the doorway of the club, lighting up the ground. A nightclub apparently. The longer he stared at the ominous black building and the people in their dazzling getups, the more tempting it became to actually go inside the club. Music weaved through the air, pulling him closer and closer to the edge of giving in. Another look at the line pushed him over. Who wouldn't be able to give in? Glancing down at his own attire, Kaoru confirmed to himself that he couldn't possibly go as he was. And the race to get a great outfit in less than five minutes began. Now if only he knew where to buy some clothes. Turning sharply, his mind set on strong on his decision, Kaoru accidentally bumped into a guy walking towards the club.

"G-gomen nasai! I wasn't looking where I was going!" He apologized quickly. From the looks of it, the stranger was another club goer. At least his clothing wasn't half bad. A sudden idea popped in his head as the man waved off his apology with a smile. "Anou…would you mind telling me where you bought your clothes?" It probably sounded strange to ask a random person that question and the shocked look on the other's face confirmed his suspicions. Kaoru looked down, a small blush of humiliation on his cheeks as the guy proceeded to laugh.

"You gonna go to the club too?" His voice was deep and masculine, causing Kaoru to blush for another reason and shake his head nervously. "Okay, there's a store two blocks away from here. It's called 'Black Angel', ya can't miss it. Just go down this street and turn right before walking a bit farther. You'll see it." There was a light clap on Kaoru's shoulder before the man disappeared, not leaving his name. Then again, Kaoru hadn't asked for it either. Maybe he'd see him at the club and then he could ask him. Directions in mind, Kaoru headed down the sidewalk. The walk took up most of his five-minute deadline so he switched to ten minutes. Yeah, ten minutes was good. And just as the man had said, Kaoru was unable to miss 'Black Angel'. Different colored lights lit up display windows and silver decorations shined brightly, reflecting the strobe lights. You'd have to be blind to miss it. So how come he hadn't seen it when he was walking up that very street earlier? Weird. He paused outside the entrance. Was he really going to do all of this? It basically had been a one-second decision.

_'Well,'_ he thought, _'it's either this or going back home.'_ The realization made him frown but it didn't take him long to decide that the club was perfectly fine. Loud rock music sounded as he stepped through the front door. The place didn't look too bad. It was almost like your regular Halloween store. Skulls were placed at random and hanging from the ceiling, highlighted different colors when the lights shone on their glassy surface. Quite a few people were lingering around, some searching through the racks and others with clothes in their arm already. Apparently the main color in the store was black (what a shocker) so, even with all the lights, the store still looked pretty dim. Right. It wasn't that bad at all. He looked around curiously. But where to start?

A young girl wearing a long, black flowing dress covered in jangling chains and—the hell?—huge ass safety pins walked up to him. She had a wide smile on her face. It was a bit unnerving to see her smile so brightly when her pale face was covered in so much black make up that she looked dead.

"Hey there, can I help you?" She asked, still grinning.

"Anou…do you have any clubbing clothes?" He replied hesitantly. Suddenly the girl frowned making Kaoru think he had said something wrong.

"Have you ever been to a nightclub?" For the second time in less than five minutes, Kaoru flushed in embarrassment. A sudden sharp squeal caused him to jump and look at the worker weirdly. "Oh my god! You haven't! It's sooo obvious!" She started pushing him towards the dressing rooms and practically shoved him into a stall. "Okay! You stay here while I go and get you some clothes!" Prancing off she left a very disturbed Kaoru. Ten minutes later and several darts around the store, she returned with her arms filled. Now thanks to her, his goal time had been destroyed. Damn. Suddenly a pile of clothes was unloaded into his arms causing him to almost fall over. "Try these on!" Was all he heard before the door was shut and he was left alone in the small room.

Sifting through the clothes resulted in more than half of the clothes being thrown to the side before he even tried them on. Was that girl insane? There were all sorts of clothing. Neon colors shone brightly, silver shined flashily, and _then_ there were the leather strips again. There was no way in _hell_ he was going to wear something like…_that_. The best he could find was a dark blue shirt, but even then it was tight and the sleeves slipped over his hands. It had a large smiley face in metallic black on the chest that was like partially dead or something, judging by the 'x's' for eyes and the pierced tongue stick out of its grinning mouth. Well, the good thing was that it looked reasonably well on him. He glanced down underneath the smiley and nearly groaned aloud. There, in bold letters were the words _'Fuck Me'._ Was there not one fucking shirt that was _remotely_ normal in this store? All the pants the girl had brought him were so tight he felt like he wouldn't even be able to walk in them. How did people _do_ this! After sorting through at least fifteen pairs of second-skin pants, he found a pair of black pants that were mainly comfortable, despite the slight hugging feeling they gave to his legs. Was getting away from home _really_ worth all this crap? Before he had the chance to decide, the door swung open, almost torn from its hinges. Kaoru yelped.

"Oh. My. God! You look so cute!" It was her. Again.

'_Kill me_ _now. Please.'_ No matter how many times he repeated that in the next five seconds, the worker still grabbed him by the hands and took him towards a mirror. She could've at least knocked. What if he had been in the middle of undressing! The girl looked around for a moment before dashing off again and returning with a chair to push Kaoru into. _Now_ what?

"Okay! Well now that you have an outfit, I need to get you some make up!" Kaoru gaped at her. Make up! Why the hell would he want make up! He already had a shirt that said 'Fuck Me' on it, and now make up! Come _on_! Before he could voice his protests, she skipped off to the back of the store. Yes! His chance at freedom was finally available! He'd change as quickly as possible, leave the store, and crawl back into his bed to forget that any of this had ever happened! Unfortunately, as soon as his feet touched the ground, the girl returned with a scowl on her face. "Just where do you think you're going!"

"Uh…." Kaoru winced at the girl's loud voice. _'Nowhere, apparently.'_ He sat himself back down before she was angered further. Who knew what she was like when she got pissed. A small table was dragged over to where he sat and a pile of make up was dumped onto it. Kaoru gulped nervously. Oh God.

"So, everyone knows that you can't go to a club without having some sort of eyeliner! Black is a must have color but since your hair is sort of an orange-ish-red, I was thinking we could use red too. But blue would also look nice but we can't use all three. And then there's the matter of whether or not you're going to have eye shadow. You can't have the colors clash. You could always have colored mascara so we have to put that into consideration." She paused for a moment, staring at the contents on the stand before glancing at a stock still Kaoru. Just what the hell was she talking about? Eyeliner? Eye shadow? Mascara? He didn't know what half of what she was rambling on about! She started up again. "We'll put on some blush to highlight your cheekbones and maybe some gloss for your lips. Or what about lipstick? Hmm…probably not. Oh! You would look so great with your hair highlighted! Do we have enough time though? Ugh! You so should've come earlier!" By now Kaoru's head was spinning and he felt a headache coming on. Did she _ever_ shut up!

"A-anou…I don't even know if I want to wear make up…." The girl stared at him dead panned. "U-uh, never mind. Make up sounds good." It took at least another ten minutes for the two to decide on what kind of make up he should wear. Finally she granted him the 'luxury' of looking in a mirror to see how badly she'd screwed him up. Boy, was he wrong. He looked _great_. Black lined his eyes with shimmery blue in the mix (because, like oh my god! It would sooo match his shirt!) As she had said, she put some blush on his cheeks to make them rosy and whatever the hell she meant by 'highlighting his cheekbones'. He even had clear lip-gloss on. Except the fact that it felt sticky outweighed the fact that his lips looked, in the words of the insane chick next to him, 'more kissable!' Joy. Just what he needed. Standing beside Kaoru, the girl looked smug as ever.

"Well? What do you think?" She asked.

"W-what do I think?" He repeated as if he hadn't heard her the first time. "W-well…I guess it's okay…."

"Okay?! You look hot! I swear, guys are going to be all over you tonight!" Kaoru gaped at her. Had she just said _guys?_ Was it that fucking obvious? As if reading his mind, she answered cheerfully, "Yes, it's obvious! No straight guy would let me do to them what I did to you." She laughed, whether at him or not, Kaoru wasn't so sure.

Ignoring her statement, Kaoru wondered, "So how much do I owe you?" The girl blinked as if she had forgotten about being paid.

"You don't have to pay me anything. That was for fun." She smiled, gathering up the make up and walking away. "See you later!" Was tossed over her shoulder before she disappeared behind a door. Kaoru stared after her. Not pay her? But...all of the stuff she had given him! Walking up to the cashier, he gave him a few hundred dollars, briefly explaining what had happened and left. So what if his time limit had been broken? He looked good and that was all that mattered.

Once again, the black building appeared in front of him. It was now or never. Nervousness spread throughout him, slowing down his steps as he stood in the line. It felt like an eternity had past by the time he reached the front, but he didn't mind, doubts present in his mind. The large bouncer seemed overbearing, making him feel like a mouse compared to him. After looking him over once, the man nodded and gave a grunt, apparently a sign saying that he could go in. Taking a deep breath, putting one foot in front of the other, Kaoru stepped through the doors and into the nightclub.

* * *

**A/N:** ...Yeah. After writing like a bajillion stories and deleting them, I finally decided to keep this one. Cuz I kinda like it. If it sucks, I'm sorry. I'm trying /cries/ And I know that like Kaoru and Hikaru both know all about fashion and crap, but in this story, Kaoru doesn't. So there. 

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately, I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. ...Yet. Oh, and also, for the store name (Black Angel), since I'm so totally uncreative, I looked on Google for a name of some store, and there it was. So 'Black Angel' doesn't belong to me either. I haven't been there so I have no idea what it's like also.


	2. I'll Be There

The first thing that Kaoru saw was a light so bright it felt blinding. Great. All that work and in return, he goes blind. Exactly what he needed. The light disappeared that very same second but it took a bit for the spots to go away from his sight. Well, the club was definitely not what he was expecting. Taking into consideration that he never actually been to a club before, he supposed that it didn't matter. True to its name, dark blue, black, and silver colored practically everything. The ceiling looked like the sky itself, except better. The stars were brighter, the sky darker, and there seemed to be silver clouds floating around. That must've cost a hell of a lot of money. Even weirder, the strobe and black lights looked as though they were floating in mid air. Someone rushed past him, causing Kaoru to stumble a few feet forward and snap out of his state of gaping. People passed him and went off to the side, walking down a set of stairs on both sides of him. He walked to the railing and leaned over to look below him.

There was a sea of bodies, all dancing and moving exactly like water, sliding over each other and moving in time with the blaring beat. Some shined with bright colors while others seemed to meld into their surroundings with their dark clothing. Cages were set at random with dancers inside, dancing seductively with their glow-in-the-dark streaked bodies. Off to the right was a bar that stretched quite a ways, many of the seats filled. It was lit up with silver lights that reflected off surfaces and shone on the people seated around the bar, casting an eerie affect upon their skin. Two bartenders stood behind the bar, performing tricks with the bottles that seemed impossible. Kaoru registered that his legs were moving him towards the staircase on the right and as he walked down the steps, it felt like his legs had turned to jell-o because of the vibrating music under his feet. Once he reached the bottom, a glance to the right showed him a small area that contained furniture for people to sit or lay upon. Apparently that's not only what they were for as he watched many couples practically maul each other.

He walked past it quickly, not wanting to stare at something so private. But then again, they sure didn't seem to mind that they were in public. Past the dance floor and bar was another set of stairs that led back upstairs. Judging by the people who were walking up there and making out at the same time, he doubted that was somewhere he wanted to go. Another person shoved past him, pushing him a few people. God! Could they not walk correctly or something? Idiots. Walking in the direction he was pushed, Kaoru took a seat at the edge of the bar, farthest away from the chick who where wearing electric green clothing that seemed to illuminate on its own. Thank god he didn't stand out like that. His dark clothing gave him the perfect camouflage. On the wall across from him was a large menu, showing all kinds of different drinks you could order. It was all really confusing. One of the bartenders came over and smiled at him.

"Hello. Can I get you something to drink?" She asked politely, her neon pink eye shadow glowing.

"W-well…what doesn't have a lot of alcohol in it and tastes good?" Wow, he probably sounded pretty stupid. The girl—or, as her nametag said—Alicia, giggled and nodded her head slyly. She turned around and Kaoru could hear the clanking of glasses before she turned right back around and handed him a glass with a blue liquid inside and a star shaped piece of lemon on the rim. "What this?"

"It's called 'Absolut Blue Lemonade'." Alicia answered, wiping the counter top with a towel. Blue Lemonade? That didn't sound alcoholic. Carefully, Kaoru brought the drink to his lips and took a small sip. Huh. Well it tasted good. "Do you like it?" Kaoru nodded, taking another gulp of the drink. A slight buzzing feeling came down on him as he closed his eyes, swaying a bit. Quickly he drank down the rest, laid some money down near his glass, and stood up. At first he had to grab the counter to keep from falling over but once he mainly regained his balance, he walked off, a small smile on his lips. Music pounded loudly in his head, suddenly louder than before. He made his way into the crowd of flowing bodies and closed his eyes, the drink and atmosphere taking its affect on him. Moving languidly, Kaoru let himself go, let all his worries escape far from his mind for at least that night. Nothing mattered except that he kept moving, not stopping once, just like everyone else. He was stuck on a euphoric high and there wasn't anything that could bring him down.

Bodies bumped into him as they started to squish together, grinding against one another wantonly. Suddenly a pair of hot hands encircled his waist but Kaoru paid no heed, continuing to dance. A body pressed against him, almost like it was trying to melt into him. The apparent male's skin felt like it was hot enough to melt something. Heat transferred between the two as they slid against one another, larger hands wandering about Kaoru's smaller frame. One of the hands clamped down on Hikaru's wrist, pulling him off of the dance floor and near a staircase. What was up the stairs again? They started walking up as Kaoru's eyes widened and his steps slowed. Upstairs…he didn't want to go upstairs. Not with him, someone he didn't even know. He didn't want to do that with some stranger, not then, not ever. Whether he was drunk or not, it still registered blaringly in his mind. This was wrong. He needed to get away.

Jerking his hand away, Kaoru almost tripped down the stairs, grabbing the railing last minute. The older man looked back at him confusedly with a hint of anger. He reached out again, aiming for Kaoru's upper arm this time. Kaoru thrust the offending hand away, fear starting to creep up on him. He didn't want this. Turning quickly, Kaoru started to scramble down the stairs, feeling suddenly sick, like he was about to throw up. Before he made it down the remaining stairs, strong arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him crushingly against a chest, hot puffs of air heating his neck.

'_Hikaru…!'_ His brother's name rang throughout his head, a silent cry. He should've never left. The next second the arms imprisoning him were pulled back almost roughly and Kaoru released a shuddery breath, sitting down on a step quickly. Why was this happening? Cradling his pounding head in his shaking hands, Kaoru's clenched his eyes shut, wetness stinging at them. Someone appeared in front of him, making him tense. A hand, this time gentle, wrapped around his wrist, tugging lightly. Kaoru looked up to find Hikaru there. _'Thank_ _God.'_ He stood up rapidly, regretting it as his head swam instantly. Faintly Kaoru realized they were walking back down the stairs, out the club doors, leaving the music and dancing behind. Leaving that terrible man behind. A sleek black limousine awaited them down the street. Stumbling the rest of the way to the car, Kaoru slumped down in the seat the moment the door was opened. Hikaru slid in on the other side, resting Kaoru's head against his shoulder as he fell asleep on the ride home.

'_Shit….'_ Was Kaoru's first coherent thought as he awoke the next morning. Opening his eyes brought the painful flash of blinding light, worsening his migraine, so he shut them tightly. Groaning, Kaoru rolled onto his side, almost falling off his bed in the process. The sudden lurch caused him to do what he almost did the night before. After emptying his already vacant stomach, Kaoru laid back down, wiping his mouth sloppily. _'Shit….'_ He thought again. What the hell had he done last night? Sitting up as slowly as possible, yet still making him feel like his head was splitting, Kaoru turned and, side stepping the mess on the floor, wobbled towards and out the door. Recognizing the hallway he was in, he found his way to the nearest bathroom and once he entered, not bothering to turn on the light in case he was blinded again, he dashed to the toilet, leaning over to up heave his void stomach once again. Flushing the toilet, he stood up shakily, thoroughly disgusted. Was he sick or something? He turned on the faucet and filled up a cup with the cold water, washing out his mouth of the nauseating taste and then drinking some water greedily. His stomach growled loudly making him groan. No doubt anything he tried to eat right then he would just throw up right afterwards. A few deafening knocks were heard from the door and Kaoru blearily turned around to open it. He was greeted with a very pissed off Hikaru.

"It's good to know you're up." He said, no sign of gratefulness despite his words. Kaoru ignored him, heading out of the bathroom. "Hey!" Hikaru shouted, grabbing hold of Kaoru's shoulder. "What is _wrong_ with you?!" Whipping around, he glared as fiercely as he could at his twin. He was _not_ in the mood.

"I feel like shit. Happy?" Eyes narrowing, Hikaru frowned.

"Yeah, actually, I am. Just what the hell were you thinking yesterday?" If he had remembered what happened yesterday, he might've replied rudely to that, but since he didn't, Kaoru remained silent, a questioning gaze in his eyes. Hikaru sighed exasperatedly. "You left the house yesterday, went to a _nightclub_, and almost got raped by some stranger you _didn't even fucking know_!" Oh. Yeah. Well _now_ he remembered. Everything from ditching Hikaru to the annoyingly possessive man at the club. Closing his eyes, Kaoru winced. Ugh. Even remembering things hurt his brain. Well it should, right? He was, after all, having a totally sucky hangover. "Oh! And I hope you remember _getting drunk!_ Very unbecoming don't you think?" He hated it when they fought. They were twins; they weren't _supposed_ to fight. Hikaru sure didn't seem to care though.

"What the hell do you care anyways?! It's not like you love me or anything!" He challenged.

"Of course I do!" Kaoru's heart froze, his eyes wide. "You're my brother!" And then it proceeded to drop to the pit of his stomach in pieces. There it was again. _Brothers._ That word was bound to haunt him for the rest of his life. God that'd suck. It really hurt though. To be constantly reminded that they were brothers, twins, the very thing that kept them from getting together. Well there was also the fact that Hikaru was in love with Haruhi, but if that was put aside, _then_ it'd be the only thing in the way.

"It's not like I need your help! I can take care of myself just fine!" A wave of nausea washed over Kaoru full force making him grab the wall for support. Reaching out, Hikaru looked at him worriedly but Kaoru just brushed off his hand spitefully. "Fuck off…." Brushing past Hikaru and leaning against the wall, Kaoru made his way down the hall and, once he turned the corner, sank down to the ground, his head resting on his knees. Never _ever_ again.

Meanwhile, Hikaru stared off after his brother. There was something definitely wrong with him, something he sure wasn't going to confide in Hikaru unless something drastic made him. He frowned. It really did worry him. Usually there was nothing that could get to his twin, but lately, he'd been drifting farther and farther off. It was almost like they didn't know each other anymore. Was it something he had done? Was there something he could do to fix it? All he wanted was for his brother to be happy. To lead a normal life—a life the opposite of his. Most wouldn't be able to find one thing wrong with his life. Well that was because they didn't know his secret. Only Haruhi knew. And thank God she wasn't telling anyone. Though he supposed he couldn't really blame her if she did. This wasn't exactly your everyday 'I stole a cookie from the cookie jar' secret. No, it was more like your 'out of this world, you'll never guess' secret. Hopefully no one ever _would_ guess. Actually, he hadn't really even planned for Haruhi to find out. It had all just happened in one day and he kind of…broke down and told her.

Realizing you were in love with your own _twin brother_ would put anyone in a very confusing and uncomfortable state of mind. Then it only seemed to grow whenever they put on another 'brotherly love' show. It was always so tempting to go further into the act. Maybe place his lips against the mirror like ones on Kaoru's face. Or he could suck on the space right above his collarbone until it turned colors, marking him as Hikaru's. Of course, that was only fantasizing. There was no way Kaoru would return his feelings. So that was why Hikaru was always with Haruhi. Whenever the urge to get 'overly-friendly' with Kaoru got too big to ignore, he'd go to her. Or when the feeling of helplessness over the fact that he couldn't give Kaoru the slightest hint at how he felt became overwhelming, he'd go to her. It helped being with her. With someone he could talk to about his problems. She'd help him calm down, even if they'd been through the same situation over a hundred times.

Also…by being with Haruhi…he wouldn't be giving Kaoru the chance to make the same mistake he had. By staying away from him, by putting distance between them, Kaoru would definitely never love him back. He'd fine some pretty girl one day and they'd get together. Hikaru didn't want his brother to have to go through the same crap he was. Even if he did love Hikaru, there'd be so many against it. Especially their parents. Maybe that was why he was acting so strange. He'd have to find him later and talk to him. In the mean time, a little alone time was in order.

Kaoru had sat as still as stone, waiting to hear whether Hikaru's steps would become louder, signifying he was coming after Kaoru, or softer, saying that he had left. When he could no longer hear the footsteps, Kaoru glowered, confused. On one hand, he didn't want Hikaru to follow him everywhere, asking what was wrong, but he also didn't want to be ignored. He probably sounded selfish as hell, but what was family for, if not to comfort you? He wanted to feel loved for once, but not in an overbearing sort of way. But Hikaru had left. He probably didn't even care whether Kaoru was all right or not. Most likely he was out the door and on his way to wherever the hell Haruhi was.

Standing up, Kaoru walked back to the bathroom to grab a few pills, for his headache and to help him fall asleep. He then proceeded to Hikaru's room, jumping on the bed and curling up with his twin's pillow. Kaoru breathed in deeply, the scent of his brother lingering on the pillow. It smelled like maple syrup, his expensive cologne, and the cinnamon scented shampoo he used that Kaoru liked to borrow every once and a while, especially when he went off to Haruhi. Then, even though he was gone, Kaoru could close his eyes and imagine he was right besides him, and he wouldn't feel all that bad anymore. Kaoru closed his eyes, his breath catching. God how he missed the old Hikaru. The one who was always by his side, could always be told secrets; the one who was there no matter what, and never fought with him. Salty tears slid down his cheeks and dampened the pillowcase as Kaoru curled further into himself, trying to forget the world. Nothing went right anymore….

It was Saturday morning as both Hikaru and Kaoru got up. Later the night before, Hikaru had come home late to find a sleeping Kaoru clutching his pillow. Apparently the fights shook him up too. He really felt bad then. But when he had lay down and rested his hand atop of Kaoru's, he pulled back suddenly and his brother twitched, retching his own hand from Hikaru's unconsciously. He hadn't gotten much sleep that night. Earlier the phone had rung, their school's principal telling them they had a detention to fulfill at 1pm for not bringing a doctor's note to the school and telling them where they were. Like a detention was something he really needed. The two went through with their morning routine, trying their hardest to avoid each other at all times possible. No words were spoken but glances between the brothers were passed nearly every second. Tension rose everywhere they went and only when the limo outside honked, demanding they hurry up, did it break, resulting in both teens jumping from surprise.

The ride to school was silent as was the walk to their classroom where both sat down in two desks, sitting next to each other out of habit. Two long minutes later the teacher walked in, a frown on her face.

"Do you know why you're here?" She asked sternly. Well _duh_. Of course they knew why there were there. The reasoning had only been explained to them at least a hundred times by the principal already. When they remained silent, she continued with a huff. "You have broken a school rule. You didn't turn in a doctor's note and you didn't tell the school where you were." She glowered at them over the tops of her half-moon spectacles, causing more wrinkles to appear on her face. Her hair was pulled so tightly into a bun, it was surprising her face had so many fricking creases, making her look like a prune or something. "Both of you will stay seated and think about what you have done until 2:30pm. Do you understand?" Refraining from immaturely making a face at the teacher, Hikaru nodded, Kaoru following suit. Obviously pleased, she then left the room.

The moment she was out the door, Hikaru was out of his seat, striding towards the vacant teacher's desk at the front of the room. Sitting down in the cushiony chair, he sorted through the papers on the desk, finding a stack of students' homework. He smirked and grabbed a pen. Looking at the first paper, he read 'Science Essay' and promptly drew a big, glaring 'F-' at the top of the paper before grabbing the next sheet and repeating the process. A grin fought its way onto Kaoru's lips as he watched his brother's childish antics. Now _that_ was the Hikaru he knew. It was tempting to go over to the desk and join in his prank, but the night before was still fresh in his mind, no matter how bad a hang over he had. If they kept fighting like that, sooner or later their ties to one another would be severed permanently. That was not what Kaoru wanted. If he couldn't be with Hikaru, as a lover, then he'd be just fine with being with him as a brother. As long as he could see his mischievous smile everyday. That was enough for him.

"Kaoru?" Hikaru asked, bringing Kaoru back on focus. Eyes darting down, Kaoru's face flushed immediately, realizing he had probably been staring at Hikaru for a good couple of minutes. When he looked back up, Hikaru was hunched over the papers, having returned to his 'job'. The clock said that only fifteen minutes had past. Maybe it was slow. _Hopefully_ it was slow. Already fifteen minutes in and he'd been caught staring at Hikaru. It was going to be hell.

Half an hour later Hikaru had finished 'grading' all the essays and was going through every inch of every drawer; somehow, even the locked ones. His head lying on top of his arms on the desk, Kaoru was very close to falling asleep. That was until about twenty rubber bands were shot at his head. His eyes snapped up to glare at Hikaru to find him 'reading' a book. Upside down. He supposed it was Hikaru's way of asking for an apology as to last night. Taking a rubber band, he sent it sailing through the air to hit Hikaru in the head. The older twin looked up, a relieved smile on his face saying that the message was clearly understood. Kaoru stood up to join Hikaru in his inspecting of the drawers. After five minutes Kaoru found a bottle of 'super strong super glue' and grinned wickedly. Once ten minutes had past, everything, from every pen or pencil to the lamp on the corner of the desk, was glued down and no longer removable. No doubt the teacher would be _beyond_ pissed but Hikaru and Kaoru couldn't have cared less as they clutched at their stomachs, gasping for air from laughing too hard. The sudden sound of sharp footsteps echoing down the hall outside the door brought the two to attention, their eyes widening.

"Shit…." Hikaru whispered at the doorknob turned. The teacher from before walked through the door, her heels clicking annoyingly against the floor. She sniffed, her nose wrinkling as if there was a bad smell and stared at the twins who were in their respectful desks, rubber bands and all cleaned up. Hikaru and Kaoru looked at her with baited breath, waiting to see what she would say. She just glared slightly and turned on her heel to walk back out the door. Once the clacking of her shoes could no longer be heard, both brothers let out a big breath of air. "I _so_ thought we were gonna be busted back there." Hikaru mumbled, a grin spreading across his face. Kaoru smiled back, unable to stop the infectious happiness that radiated from his twin.

It was moments like then that he felt most at ease with Hikaru. When the only thing that mattered was the fact that there was a smile on Hikaru's face. Hikaru's hand reached out and, unconsciously, Kaoru found himself leaning towards it as it brushed a few stray strands of copper hair from his face. Breath catching in his throat, Kaoru's eyes slid shut, just feeling the fingertips of the soft hand ghost over his skin, almost like it was trying to memorize his face. Fingers like feathers glided over his cheeks, running over his eyelids and down his nose until they reached his mouth. Kaoru's lips parted as Hikaru's thumb skimmed lightly over his bottom lip.

"Hikaru…." Kaoru sighed, his breath coming short. When he realized the touch of Hikaru's fingers were no longer on his face, he opened his eyes to find his brother staring at him, a very perplexed look on his face. Ducking his head, Kaoru tried to hide the dark red flush that covered his face. The remainder of the detention was spent in silence though both had plenty of questions on their minds. Why had Hikaru touched him like that? Why had Kaoru reacted like that? Was it supposed to mean something? Both teens _hoped_ it meant something, but neither was brave enough to ask. So they sat in the desks, not looking at each other or voicing their thoughts, afraid of what the other might say, until the teacher returned once more and told them they were free to leave but to 'think about what they had done' like they were mere children. How insulting. When she turned her back, Hikaru stuck his tongue out at her, his eyes crossed. Okay, so maybe not _that_ insulting.

Once they returned home a maid informed them that a total of sixty-seven messages from a 'Suoh Tamaki' were waiting for them on the answering machine that sounded very 'urgent'. Then again, everything with Tamaki was 'urgent' and needed to get done right away. They made their way to the answering machine and hit play, wincing as Tamaki's loud voice practically blew out their eardrums. From what they could understand between all the screaming and yelling, it was Haruhi's birthday tomorrow. The twins glanced at each other and then to the calendar hanging on the wall. Sure enough, February 4th was circled and the words 'Haru-chan's B-day!' were under it. The next message said that they were all going to go to some commoner restaurant near Haruhi's house so she didn't have to go far. So they had better be there by twelve o' clock pm or else 'Mommy' would make sure they'd pay. Uh…yeah. The rest of the messages were deleted. They were probably just Tamaki asking where the hell they could be or if they were purposely ignoring his phone calls, and if that was the case, he'd have 'Mommy' make them pay. Again.

"Hmm…I wonder what we should get Haruhi." Hikaru said, more to himself than Kaoru, though he heard it anyway. The feeling of dread crept up on Kaoru suddenly.

'_No….'_ He and Hikaru had just gotten on better terms again. And now it was Haruhi's birthday. Hikaru would probably want to take her on a date or something special, to finally tell her how he truly felt about her. His brother's footsteps faded as he walked into a different room, still contemplating on a gift. Anger started to replace dread and Kaoru curled his hands into fists, his nails cutting into his skin and his hands shaking. _'Goddamn it!'_ He mentally yelled, his hand darting out and punching the wall harshly. Wincing, he pulled back his arm to find blood running down his knuckles and on the wall. He sighed, biting his lip and went to get a maid to clean it up. When she asked what happened, on impulse, he glared at her acidly, causing her to shrink back.

He stomped upstairs, not realizing Hikaru stood at the foot of the steps, a worried look on his face. In the bathroom once again, he let the cold water from the faucet slide over his injured fingers, watching the water run pink then turn clear again. The closet down the hall held strips of cloth for situations like his, so he wrapped it quickly around his hand, not bothering to do it correctly. Afterwards, he went to his own room, lying down on the stiff bed. Right as his eyes started to close there was a timid knock on the door. He groaned and flipped over on his stomach.

"Go. Away." Kaoru commanded, his voice muffled by the hard pillow. Either the person was deaf or stupid because the door opened anyways. Feeling the bed shift under the extra weight, Kaoru didn't bother to see who it was.

"Kaoru?" Hikaru's familiar voice made him still and he tensed when a warm hand landed on his shoulder. "Kaoru let me see your hand." Not wanting to be bothered, Kaoru ignored his twin. Apparently Hikaru was just stupid as he grabbed Kaoru's wounded hand. A chill ran down Kaoru's spine as soft fingers ghosted over his own, inspecting the bandage. Hikaru sighed. "You really do suck at these sort of things, don't you?" Kaoru's hand was dropped and the bed rose back up as Hikaru stood. "I'll be right back so don't go anywhere." A minute later Hikaru had returned, obviously carrying something. "Come on Kaoru, sit up." Minutes past and Hikaru had begun to think Kaoru had fallen asleep when he sat up, avoiding looking at his brother. "Hand, please?" He requested.

Slowly Kaoru lifted his hand up, wincing when Hikaru started to take off the bandage and it rubbed against his knuckles. Noticing that, Hikaru slowed down, carefully removing it now. He sighed again as he looked over the red skin. He grabbed a tube of ointment and spread the cool cream onto Kaoru's hand. Kaoru bent his head forwards more, desperately trying to hide the bright red blush that covered his face. Cloth once again covered his hand, correctly this time, and was stuck in place with a clasp. When Hikaru didn't let his hand go, Kaoru looked up to see Hikaru leaning down and placing a soft kiss over the bandage. The bright red flush turned dark red and spread farther across his face as Kaoru squeaked, his eyes wide.

"H-Hikaru…." He said, a hint of questioning in his voice. Hikaru's eyes met his brothers and instantly Kaoru felt frozen. Hikaru's normally cheerful, bright yellow eyes were darker, almost like molten gold, and it felt like he was being sucked right into them. His breath sure had been sucked out of his lungs. He couldn't breathe and a dusky gold color seemed to be the only thing he could see. He could then see Hikaru moving forward, ever so slowly, and he soon followed suit. It was like a magnetic pull he felt and his hand moved on its own accord, resting on Hikaru's smooth cheek. They got closer and closer to each until their hot breaths mingled with one another, sending shivers down each other's spines from something other than coldness.

'_This is it.' _Kaoru thought. His one true chance to really tell Hikaru how he felt about him. And by the way his twin was leaning towards him too, he didn't think it'd really bother him. Just…a little farther—

The door slammed opened causing Hikaru and Kaoru to jump apart from each other like they'd been shocked by lightning. The maid responsible for the racket either hadn't seen them about to kiss (oh _god_) or she was being smart and keeping her mouth shut.

"I'm sorry to barge in on you like this, but your parents! They're home!" Both twins stared at her, the news not really sinking in until about ten seconds later.

"Shit…." They said simultaneously. Their parents weren't supposed to be back so soon.

* * *

**A/N:** Haha, I leave you with a crappy cliffhanger. The reason why it's bad isn't really revealed until a little bit later. So...you'll have to wait lol

**Disclaimer: **Sorry, don't own anything. Well, I own Kaoru. Wait...what?! I don't?! This is bullshi--!


	3. Author's Note

**This is not a chapter. _HOWEVER._ It is just as important as one, so please read all that I have to say.**

This is an apology. I apologize for not updating this story in over a _year_. I know first hand how aggrivating it is to find a story you like and not have the author update it and yet, this is what I find myself doing. Because of this I am, unfortunately, putting this story on hiatus.

I am **NOT** going to stop writing it but I can't just keep you guys wondering when the hell I'm going to update. By putting it on hiatus, it lets not only myself but other readers know that it will eventually be continued, but just not now.

I have three of the four pages written for the next chapter. It has been so _agonizingly_ _slow_ to write them. Most of it has been due to procrastination but also because of writer's block and the fact that I've somehow lost the excitement I once felt over Ouran Koukou Hostobu. Another big part is because of family problems that have been occurring. And no, I'm not just lying about that. (I say that because that's usually the excuse for most writers/artists.)

Once my life slows down a bit, I'll probably reread some of the manga and maybe rewatch a few of the episodes to try to get back into the feel of the show. I would also like to rewrite the first two chapters because my writing style has changed a bit since they were first written, in my opinion.

Again, I apologize if I got your hopes up for a new chapter (HA. Like anyone's following this story anymore...) but I can't keep you all waiting unnessisarily.

In brighter news, I do have a whole list of stories I would like to write from a whole lot of fandoms so I'm sure there'll be something you like. Please stay with me because I do cherish your reviews and wish to see them again 8D

Thank you for reading. -YoukaiAnjiru


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